Sojourn
by impavid fool
Summary: Alex has a lot of pride to protect, which usually leads unsuccessful when she has Piper taking care of her. Holidays, and why they suck. [Alex/Piper]


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'––Ow, ow, ow, _ow_.'

'Keep still! You're only making this worse for yourself by movi––'

'_Ow_!'

'How on earth did you get it this bad? It's disgusting.'

Groaning, Alex faceplants into the pillow. Fuck this holiday. Fuck this ridiculously hot sun, fuck that sunscreen which _didn't work_, fuck the sea, fuck everything. Never again will Alex wear a vest top when it's hot weather. Never. She makes a mental note to _not_ lie in the sun, reading, because she'll forget that the sun is _hot_ and that it _burns_ her skin which will inevitably lead to _sunburn_.

Currently Piper is busy applying cream to the raw, red section of Alex's upper back, and across her shoulders. Of course her girlfriend has her pride to nurse, and she doesn't like Piper fussing over her, so is reluctant for the blonde to give her any treatment. After all, how can Alex be a smooth, sexy, hot mess of charms when she's lying on her front, her back still sizzling from the heat?

And, this time, the sizzling hasn't naturally come from her.

'I'm surprised you can move.'

'Oh, my _God_, Piper! Will you just give me the fucking cream and _fucking leave me alone_!' Piper grins. Secretly, she does find it adorable when Alex is shy. Even if Alex expresses such shyness with a sharp tongue and quick temper. Alex is about to sit upright and snatch the tube of cream from her, but Piper is one step ahead. She pushes Alex back down onto the mattress –– 'Ow, watch the burn!' –– and straddles the back of her hips. 'What the fuck are you doing?'

'Pinning you down, of course.'

'I swear to God––'

'Hey, be grateful I'm here. How many girlfriends would treat your battle wounds, hm? I don't want my strong knight feeling all embarrassed and bruised now. Don't want you to feel as if you've lost your _manliness_––'

'Piper.'

'––because that'd just be _dreadful_.'

'Okay...' Alex lifts herself onto her elbow. Frowns. '...Your _knight_? Are you fucking serious? No offence, Pipes, but the last thing I want to be is your knight. You'd fucking drive me up the wall and you know as well as I that I do not have the time to––' Piper smothers a little cream over her shoulders, '––Oh, _God_!' Alex hisses, '––save your ass. Oh, and another thing, I do _not_ have my manliness to protect, because if you haven't already figured it out, I'm a woman–– _Holy shit_!'

Piper giggles, spreading the cream over Alex's shoulders and down her sore back. 'The entire hotel can hear you. They probably think we're doing some crazy, lesbian ritual.'

'Urgh.' Alex squishes her face back into the pillow.

'I think it's cute that, y'know, you're so defensive.' Alex murmurs something. 'Guess this serves you right for not swimming in the sea with me, and reading that stupid novel of yours about some chick who keeps running after her ex.'

'_Ow_... urgh, fuck.'

'Most of the novels you read are pretty shit anyway––' Piper squirts more cream onto Alex's back.

'Jesus... _Jesus_, ow.'

'––and, yeah, I've read a few of them. Don't know why, but I did, and let me tell you––'

'_Ow_?'

'––worst _shit_ I've laid my eyes on.'

That's it. Growling, Alex pushes herself up, straining under the weight of Piper's body. The blonde tumbles off, nearly slipping out of bed altogether. Her back stings, and her shoulders feel as if they're about to crumble away, but Alex tries her hardest to ignore the agony. Pulling her bra strap over her shoulder –– '_Fuck_.' –– she turns her attention to Piper who's sitting upright, mildly surprised at the sudden manoeuvre. She looks up to see Alex glaring at her behind lopsided glasses.

'What?'

'My novels are not shit. They are decent novels. Most of them classics. Got a problem with my literature, then you can beat it.'

'I'm insulted that you come to the rescue of your novels immediately, but when _I'm_ in trouble and being hit on by some bald, fat guy, you're just sitting there laughing. Fine. I won't put anymore cream on your blistering skin.'

'Thank Heavens for that.'

'And you can go fuck those classic novels of yours.' Piper throws the tube of cream at her, hitting Alex square in the nose. 'For the record, _Twilight_ is not a classic.'

'... That was once.'

'You still read it.'

'I was _bored_.'

'You still read it.'

The corner of Alex's lips twitches. 'At least I didn't cry all night over _The Notebook_.'

Piper gapes. 'It was an emotional film!'

'Hysterical.'

'Just because you have a heart of _stone_, that doesn't mean I have one, as well. I have feelings, and that film gave me a _bucket_ load of them.'

'My novels aren't shit.'

Piper blinks. Cocks a brow. Folds her arms. 'Some of them are. You pay more attention to them than me.'

A grin. Alex laughs. 'Are you _jealous_ of my books?'

'What? No.'

'Goodness, Piper. I know you can be protective sometimes, and a little possessive, but my _novels_? Really? Although, I admit, they are _far more_ charming with their words––' She's cut off short when Piper whacks a pillow at her. Alex's glasses are flung off her face and hit against the wall. '––Fuck. I can't see shit.' She squints, and doesn't duck in time when Piper wallops her with the pillow again. 'Ow!'

Cringing, Piper realises she accidentally touched Alex's burns with the pillow. Instantly she drops it and shuffles over, 'I'm sorry.' She places a hand on her back.

'Ow! _What the fuck_!?'

Piper flinches, but laughs. She's never heard Alex speak in such a high-pitched voice before. 'This is hilarious.'

'Yeah, it's so _fucking funny_––'

'Your face is really red. Did you get that sunburnt too?'

'Fuck you.'

'Haha, you look like a tomato.'

Alex pushes her away. Then she slumps down, sighs heavily, pouts. She's given up. Her back and shoulders are killing her, she has a headache, and, yes, she's pretty sure her cheeks have been caught by the sun too. Piper grins. Alex rolls her eyes. 'This holiday sucks balls.'

Crawling over, Piper kisses Alex softly, 'I'll make it up to you, then. How about we skip the beach for a couple of days? Just stay inside, eat ice cream and watch great films and read your shitty novels?' Alex raises her brows, considering this. Another kiss, and Piper wraps her arms around her neck. 'For the record, I still think you look pretty awesome as burnt toast.'

'Thanks.'

'Certainly hotter.'

'Nice.'

Piper's hand brushes against a burn, and Alex flinches suddenly. 'I love that you're so _sensitive_ too.'

'Uh-Huh.'

'Really.' The blonde kisses her cheek, her jawline. 'I find this softer side to you is so much more appealing.' She hears Alex groan in frustration, and sniggers, because she knows Alex would rather be the one taking the lead role here. But thanks to her burns, she's almost immobile. Looks like Piper is in charge for the next few days and Piper is certainly not about to complain.

What fun.

'I'll kiss you better.'

Alex scoffs. Pauses. 'Oh yeah?'

'Yeah. _All_ better.' Piper's lips trail over her cheek, to her lips, then she pulls away momentarily. 'Except when your skin is peeling away. What a gross aftermath. I think I'll _retreat_ from that point.'

'You're the best fucking girlfriend I could ask for.'

'I know.'

Moaning loudly, and making it perfectly clear she is _not_ a happy bunny, Alex rests her forehead against Piper's shoulder. Smiling, and holding her around the waist, Piper has to admit there's something so wonderful about Alex's fragility. It's nice to see her in this vulnerable state; helps her to understand what sort of woman she is and, from what she's witnessed, Piper loves every quality about her.

Even if she can act like a child sometimes.

'I'll make it up to you somehow, Al. Promise.'

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**author's note**: Currently on holiday right now, and I got the worst sunburn over my right shoulder. Thought I'd write about Alex and Piper in a similar situation. They went travelling a lot before Litchfield (due to Alex's not-so-legal career), and I like to write about their relationship back then. Little less angst, you know? And, hey, I wrote a funny Vauseman oneshot. What's next? No, really. When do I _ever _write something funny?  
My novel is nearly finished, and I'll probably have it published by next month. This means I will be returning to fanfiction properly very soon, and even though it hasn't been long, I've missed you lot. Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave some feedback.


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